Birthday dreaming;

So my birthday is coming up, yup big 2-1. ;) And I've never had a sweet 16, or an awesome 18 birthday party, or ANY in that matter. So I definitely want this year to be BIG. I want to be a princess for a day. I want be the focus of attention and loved and adored by everyone. Because lately I've been feeling pretty down on myself...

SO! I went through some sites and looked at things I would want/need in order to celebrate my birthday to my heart's content (IN VEGAS!) <3


A nice pair of CHANEL earrings would be awesome! It'd be my everyday earrings while I go out to lunch with my friends or go shopping in Las Vegas with my boys.


A nice handbag would be awesome for when it's not a very special evening out would be great. Something roomy, but nothing too big. I love this color! Of course my ideal would my the CHANEL 2.55 clasic flap bag but it's 3.6k :< no money!


A DRESS FOR THE MAIN NIGHT! I want to look like a real princess. I LOVE this dress so much but $400 is alot :< I'd have to think about it. Maybe I'll be able to find an alternative...


A BEAUTIFUL NECKLACE! This one is just so elegant and classy looking! But it's retailing for $2,500 :< I'd rather save up for a bag, but look how beautiful it is! The detailing is amazing.

I also want a nice new bikini set, just in case we go swimming or go take a dip in the hotel hot tub ;) <3 Oh, and a pair of nude pumps!
OKAY, THIS IS MY RULE TO MYSELF! NO MORE SPENDING MONEY ON STUPID THINGS! ESPECIALLY NO MORE MAKE-UP! I have to be stricter on myself if I ever want to see my bag anytime soon, my CHANEL wallet has been so very lonely~! D;

Roller Coaster;

So today was pretty much an emotional roller coaster. I don't know if it's my hormones going crazy and acting up on me, but I just can't seem to be emotionally stable at the moment. I had good news this morning on my way to class today, Trung finally got his camera fixed. I'm so happy for him, because I know how much he loved it. Another thing I was happy about was Justin finally getting that research position at a hospital in Long Beach. I'm so thankful, because now he is one step closing to achieving BOTH our dreams. I can't wait to see what else is going to happen next. My mother and I had a nice discussion about my future with JD, all while enjoying fresh logans! :) We talked about how he'll be closer to home by the end of the year and that if he does end up going to Stanford, he could just move into my house, where she'll cook him pho everyday haha.

On the other hand, there were some other issues that came up today that made me feel really negative. JD is going to be more busy with his schedule now, especially with the research job, school AND playing basketball for the school. :<>

I feel like my whole world has changed since I've been back at home. It really does suck. I feel more alone than I have ever felt in quite awhile.

I hear the wedding bells ringing;

But it's not for me. So a lot of my friends or people I know have either gotten engaged, married or pregnant. I am not sure how I feel about it when I am forced to think realistically; because realistically: they're too young, it's too soon, what about school?, how will they support one another?, ect. But thinking from a woman's dreaming perspective: I am VERY jealous. Ever since I was little I have always dreamed about getting married and having a child with the man I loved. But as I grow older, I feel as though that dream is getting much more difficult to achieve. Everyone is so self prioritized at the moment, trying to make it through school and succeed. No one is thinking about settling down and getting married. But I am. It's all I want. But I know how important my education is, so I'll keep going to school. I won't fantasize until I meet the right person and they are in the right position to marry me. But sometimes I stop and think to myself: why am I rushing? Why can't I wait for JD to get older and we build that foundation with one another in order to get married? It's just so upsetting when others are already at that stage, when I can only see myself there with JD in 5-10 years. It's a little nerve wrecking.

Don't play with fire if you're afraid to get burnt.

Don't ask someone for their opinion, and be angry with what you hear. Being your friend I will tell you the truth as I see it, that is why it is called MY opinion. If you didn't want to hear it, then don't ask. Save me my precious time to do things that actually mean something to me. I am not going to lie to your face, if you want that kind of answer, then ask a sympathetic stranger who just wanted to comfort you instead of make you see the truth so you can improve your life.

Sometimes I feel like I am misunderstood. Sometimes I feel as though people already have this perception of me, and no matter what happens it will always be the better alternative to use. Open your eyes, bitches. Just because I'm "pretty" doesn't mean I'm conceited. Just because I "get attention from boys" doesn't mean I go out of my way to do so. I am just an innocent bystander as I am cast with all these empty accusations, which are fueled by jealousy and their own insecurities. I am sorry you feel so badly about yourself that you have to put others down in order for you to get through the day. It is a terribly sad story; your life that is.

Oh and dear o' "boyfriend", sometimes you make me wonder... how it is you think the way you do? It's so hard to comprehend for me. You say you want forever, but your actions say the complete opposite. You say you want to be official, to be real, to be SERIOUS. But are you? You never attempt to take the initiative to make the first move, that step forward I have been waiting for. So we are stuck here; in this unhealthy attachment stage. I don't know what to call us, what to call you, and it makes me feel so lost. I don't know where we are. It's like the car is driving forever and ever and I'm waiting for the next stop, I want to know where we're going, but it's just an endless drive. I want to know if there is ever going to be more. If not, then I don't want to waste my time anymore.